When I was nine years old I was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). I did not suffer so much from the compulsions as I did from the obsessions. It’s an anxiety disorder and I suffer from panic attacks several times a year.

When I would have them I would sob and hyperventilate, to the point where I could barely talk or breathe. The feeling you have is of utter despair and hopelessness. You think and feel as if nothing in the world matters and all is lost—like an extreme but short-lived bout of depression. These anxiety attacks were easily the worst moments of my life.

If you’ve never had a panic attack, thank God you haven’t! They only last a short while, maybe 5 or 10 minutes, but it feels like an eternity. 
I moved to Michigan in October 2013. My first boss out of college that I worked for in Illinois liked the work I had done for him so much that he offered me a similar job when he accepted a new position in Michigan. I was 23 and the world was my oyster, so I said ‘Why not!’ and moved to Wixom.

I didn’t know a single soul in Michigan besides my boss, so I had a lot of alone time. Have you ever heard the old adage, ‘The Lord speaks in silence?’ Those words couldn’t be more true for me. I began to ponder life’s greatest questions. That very quickly led me back to my faith—the Catholic faith my parents raised me with that I so regrettably disowned when I went to college.

It’s funny, I had actually planned to ‘church hunt’ by going to different denominations to compare and contrast. As often happens, God’s plan for me was different than mine. Because Catholic was the most familiar to me I started there and never made it to the other denominations!

After that I was all in with the Church. Anyone who knows me can tell you that I’m not one to do anything halfway. I’m both feet in, up to my eyeballs. So, naturally, I tried to get involved with the parish that I had been attending, St. James in Novi. I spoke to the Deacon and he directed me to a man who is now one of my closest and oldest friends in Michigan, Kevin ‘Mr. Peace’ Szawala. Kevin was the youth and young adult minister at the time, and I started helping him out as much as I could.

In February 2015, I chaperoned a retreat for the St. James youth group. I believe it was the morning of the second day of the retreat that I attended Eucharistic Adoration. This was the second time I’d been to Adoration—the first being the night before when they did a big elaborate Eucharistic procession in the gym with all the kids.

This time, it was quiet adoration, seated, with just a handful of other adults, no kids. Only gentle acoustic music playing in the background. This was my first ‘encounter’ with Jesus Christ. I sat down and closed my eyes.

I don’t remember exactly what I started praying about, but almost instantly I began to feel as if I were being filled up. I felt like a balloon being filled so much that I’d overtake the whole room! Having just seen kids being slain in the spirit the night before, I was a bit concerned I’d pass out and fall to the floor. I especially didn’t want that because I had just met an attractive woman my age and was sitting next to her. I remember feeling a tingling sensation all over my body and particularly in my head. And then the music stopped. I opened my eyes and returned to my normal state.

The next morning I had an epiphany. I realized that Jesus had died for our sins, descended into hell, rose from the dead, and ascended to Heaven where he reigns over Heaven and Earth. He conquered sin and death and has paved the way for us to meet Him in Heaven where we will live with him in happiness FOREVER. Being a cradle Catholic, I had of course heard all of this before numerous times, but it did not sink in until that very moment.

And at that moment, I was released from all my anxieties. God gave me the realization that I had nothing in this world to fear and everything to gain through his son Jesus. He showed me his road map: the Bible, the Commandments, the Beatitudes, and all the saints that walked before me and their writings. All I had to do was come to him and receive.
I recognize now that I was being filled with the Holy Spirit and a LOT of grace. I was healed by the Holy Spirit of my affliction. It’s been 7 years now, and since then I have not had a single anxiety attack. Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ, for all your goodness and the mercy you’ve shown me!

Still today, I cling to the Eucharist in Adoration, particularly when I’m facing trials.